That’s the best my little boy can pronounce when it comes to saying “Happy Birthday to You”…Yes, finally he has learnt to “shing a shong” for anyone’s Birthday and the enthusiasm with which he sings this song is probably the best music my ears have heard in a while. His little brain has started to relate “balloons, candle, and of course cake” to the special celebrations of Happy Birthday. And the most remarkable thing to me is that it’s happening at a time when his own birthday is just around the corner. Oh yes, my baby is turning a year older. I could never understand why my own father used to say, to the world you may be a grown up women, to your own self you hold so many definitions and dimensions of your existence, but to us you are our little girl whom we taught to walk, talk, sing and what not. Having my own baby makes me realize how true he is when he says that. I don’t think I will ever forget the moment I first saw him or held him or smelled him...in my husbands words “the heavenly smell of god if he really is there.” One day he will also grow up, he already is in everyone’s eyes, but to me, he will just be a baby, today and always!
So may things have been said about the miracle that babies are or the joy you feel of having your own, of watching them grow up. As far as I can comprehend, the presence of these cute wonders of nature, teaches us to live all over again. To love as you have never before and to just marvel at the unfolding of each day that brings with it new surprises. They are so much in awe of everything around that it is bound to make you look twice at something that you have learnt to consider silly for a long time and think, wow! Is this really so interesting? The boundless energy they have will surely draw you in and make you do crazy things with them even at a point when actually all your body cares for is not do anything at all!!! It’s just infectious I think…
It’s amazing how these small creatures actually start taking charge of your home and life…make you saner in so many ways and insane too at some moments…There are days when my house is turned upside down by him, or his activities and I am on the brink of a big meltdown and I do break down…but you know, the most amazing thing is, amidst all these, when I look at that innocent face, staring at me with so much of love and confusion (how can this women be angry at me, she is meant to just love me, so what if I have just turned everything into a mess!!!), something inside me just gives in and all the anger or frustration or helplessness gets converted into an overwhelming feeling of love and warmth. I can’t believe how I can change in a moment from being “so mad” to “so much in love”…and I do not think I will ever find an explanation for all those moments. Something just stirs inside and makes me do the impossible task of pulling him close and holding him tight and showering him with some kisses while just a moment ago my mind was trying to devise a way to make him “realize what he has been doing”...and this all is happening at a moment when if someone else had done that mischief or activity, I could have just broken their head!!!...
I can go on writing forever how I feel every time I look at him or how his presence or absence shapes up my day and night. It’s not that the other important people in my life or my work and my passion for things I love to do have become secondary due to his primary existence. Rather, I realize all my relations have become more complete because of the change in my outlook towards them. I understand my parents and in laws much better now. I understand so many of their actions that never made any real sense earlier. I realize that me and Anand (for those who don’t know him, he is my husband-I still just feel strange using that word for him, since he is and always will be my best pal first) have created a unique world for us that we have to nurture with our love through thick and thin! I agree in everything I do, I think of my baby, but I like to interpret that in a way that makes sense to me. I think how through my work I can help in creating a better life for him, for us, for my family and loved ones in general and the world as a whole. I think how watching me work he will learn the importance of working hard and developing good habits and work ethics. When I pursue my passions, I think how this may help him find his own passions and strong urge to pursue them even when your life has changed many folds.
But, at the end of each day, I can not express in words the sheer joy of just watching his personality taking a new dimension. I wonder, how he will be down the lane, how will he look, talk, walk, behave or what he will be when he grows up. I worry for him and I feel like protecting him every single moment of his life with the knowledge that ultimately he has to go and find his own ways, fight his own battles, win some and loose some, with or without me wishing for him to go through everything that life brings his way. But you know beyond any other feeling that I know, I feel blessed, to be a part of his life and I thank god for blessing me with one of his small miracles. I wish you a very Happy Birthday my darling and I hope you grow up to be just a happy, healthy, simple and honest person with a good life ahead of you in which all your dreams come true!!!
2 comments:
This narrative succeeds in making me feel exactly what you are feeling! Awesome Tandra!
Girl, I can feel the warmth, just by reading the post. Or its my maternal instincts working.:-) Can't agree with you more on everthing that has been inscribed on this post.
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